Jonny5 Alive

There is no XBox 360 Open Source Media Plugin for Linux.  I found this out after hours of labors compiling and sorting of system development files on my CentOS 5.2 Server.

You can not, currently, share your library as you see fit with your XBox 360. This thing really is great for playing media and it allows you to kill your friends, and get really great titles played like, Halo 3. Needless to say HAWX is also a huge favorite and Quake 4, but I think my destruction power is best delt on a PC with that one.

This started with the words Open Source right? Why's this guy salivating over titles. Heh, you said salivating.

I spent about four hours getting Adobe CS4 Suite, Office 2007, and the rest of a Profile setup on a customer's computer. Yeah, I like multitasking. It rocks. While trying to compile MediaTomb. Which really is an amazing program. If you own a PS3. (We have mutiny in the ranks!)

Seriously to any of you PS3 owners out there, this thing is MADE for you. Your Linux library of media will be at your dual joystick fingertips in probable surround sound and hdmi none the less.

Guess that means trying to negotiate with uShare again - doesn't share the library correctly, uses an older form of ffmpeg to run the transcoding, needs to distinctify between video, music, and library sections.

When building MediaTomb from scratch, it is especially difficult to read the how to written for Ubuntu and apply it to a CentOS system. The package names are completely different and honestly, I am running X64... it makes a huge difference and finding the programs being called or getting the source and compiling them is a chore. My guess is that MediaTomb needs to check into the hack or patch that someone made for uShare and allows the XBox to know that it is a valid UPNP Media device on the network (probably a ping back or some other token that allows recognition).

One of the custom compiled code pieces is actually called TwoLame. Wows. They have LAME which you have to use when you get Audacity working on a computer and often on Linux systems. It is an Open Source MP3 format that allows for huge compression and decompression of audio streams that used to be 150 to 200 MBs and now are 4 and 5 MBs, and then the modern day iPod. TwoLame was necessary for MediaTomb to be able to play DVD content and transcode it into something the XBox 360 wants to understand.

This image is really because the server is running two different virtual oses while it runs, but as you can see, the weight on the server is minimal even still.  Soon I will benchmark the system a bit and post some results.  It is kind of like when your kid brings home a report card with A's on it.  You just glow.

You see, the Xbox 360 wants WMV and WMA content or the real deal CD or DVD - over a network, it doesn't care about anything unless a Windows Media Center 2003 or 2005 or Vista or someone else that has paid to use a codec to send data to the Xbox 360. Kind of Lame. Right? Two Lame indeed.

One of the coolest things and most exciting for me is the Interview.  Rarely do you get a chance to show yourself in a light or describe yourself as directly and react and respond in such a way.  You paint a picture in your future boss, or the H.R. person who is to qualify you's mind.  It is about taking the palette of speech and topics that they bring up, and using them and building on them as you continue conversation.  You certainly don't make the interview about them, but, this is your chance to find out more about them and their company, so keeping it about both of you will help you win the strongest.  Selling yourself needlessly is something you should try to feign away from.  Doing so makes you needy and seem weak.

Strong topics that you bring up should be direct, selected, and relevant.  This will maximize your future conversation from there.  Also, keep away from asking dumb questions, "Do you guys have a Culligan water thingy?", because they will destroy your creditability.

The nice thing is, today, I had a great interview.  It was a warm up for the re-meeting that I plan to have with MU's Telecom Department.  They are the mechanism that allows MU to keep itself going and the people that work there, are either Linux or Windows Server addicts.  They eat, sleep, and breath security, maintenance, and high performance systems.  Could I pick a better plateau to gather and jump from?  No.  Could I honestly pick a better place to secure my future and settle myself for the next several years with an investment and later a little bit of Travel as I see my credit score raise?  No.  The next couple years have a lot instore for them.

Future note: you are doing this so you can feel comfortable making babies with someone.  don't rush into that next step.  you want to be secure and safe - either WITH A HOUSE or selling one when that even starts happening.  that means that maybe 5 years from then (yeah, I might secure myself and save a little bit on the side so I know I can have a child if/when I get that old) i could be getting married, and it would be whatever lead to that that would decide if that's before or after marrage.  yeah, i guess i could start having a child before marriage, but i would seriously perfer against it.  this could change later, but that is my thoughts right now.

Ah, Memorial Weekend.  There's gonna be a party of existensial proportions this weekend.  More on that later.  My own flesh and blood brother will be with me, it is gonna be off da hook!!!

Emptiness go away.

Seems only the struggle is here to stay.

If in life, relationships are like hotel rooms, then I am a bellhop.

Where is my room?

Can not be taught.

It must be felt.

Tao means "the way" or "the path".
- Wikipedia

Such is the way that it is explained.  Funny enough, once you try to explain anymore about it, it feels trite.  Half there, and empty in explanation.  You feel like your cheating your audience.  Funny enough, I felt this way when I was taught organized religion, and now that I get to look back on the teachings that I still remember, they have so much more value.  I have facites within my structure of the Tao that articulate and enuciate the particulate of the Bible.

Another underlining theme is the idea that you use action with inaction.  In other words you cause things to happen by NOT creating the cause or maybe more correctly, not answering the cause and just filling in your part.  Don't rock the boat could be a very limiting view point of this (back when constant bantering, the very alive communication was only in the bar and even then you could find the reflective, the quiet zen, inaction was not such a strange thought, now-days, there is a constant exchange of energy, I would say that since global conciousness, immediate converstation is almost current, it is so much more impossible to describe the Tao as a being contained within inaction).  If I could modernize this, it would be the notion that you notice the need and that life creates the pieces that fill the void that has just been instantiated.  The puzzle wants to be solved does it not?  Isn't that why we are all here?  How else is that not the case?

Wikipedia has a nice way of putting this modernly (I read a really old book about it - still am), wu wei (effortless action), literal translation without action and is often said as, wei wu wei (action without action) in teachings.  Action, if truely effortless, looks like inaction as you can really tell if they did it, or if it happened of its own accord.  That might be the eccense of the idea, that the universe moves for you, and in that, even though things have happened, you didn't directly cause them and in fact, look comfortable in your non-motion.

In life there is entropy.  Entropy is the explination for the chaos that is innately within all life.  Generally, the less entropy there is in system, then the more order there is.  The energy that animates the existence is merely an action within a container, within an order array.  Some molecules or atoms, even systems have quite a lot of stability desire and yet, most systems are quite volital given the evironment.  The thing is, after this big bang, this extreme release of energy and expansion throughout the known universe, after matter is strewn out into the void, after things start to collect and order themselves inside galaxies, suns, planets, and stuctures of our universe, there was an order keeping and guiding certain things towards the end that they met.

Degrees of chance?  More or less.  In what I can only describe as a tunneling of direction (life is direction and momentum (attraction could be added here) - break it down to its smallest piece or take it to its largest amount - these three help make up what causes this entity to interact the way it does), somewhat like a funnel, all things are guided towards and end.  Evolution is merely a description of that effect.  Suns eat planets.  They eat each other, and the stronger one wins.  It "breeds" and grows.  The energies that were contained within are now shared and spread to its constiuents.

Fate is not totalitarian.  I am not sure this exists within the Tao, other than, Tao might be considered fate.  Fate would just be an attribute, and since it isn't a governing body in the flow (another description for how the Tao passes) then it can't really be said to govern your life.  You are a part of this too, but in that, to have as much harmony (to synchronize with the energy waves) with the Tao (the energy life force we are all a part of) gives you a certain deciding factor or specifically, helps you not be concerned with the outcome and generally, helps improve the outcome.

Think this way, if you could think of life as being this great flow we are a part of, then if you were able to coast within the flow, using the eddies, using the dips, and using the white-water in its most effective (to each their own flow and to each their own best method) way of transport, you should probably have a fairly good grasp of the Tao.  Also, you might notice that if you swim against the current or make turbulent actions within a flow of this current, the water around you and behind you is sullied with chaos and disorder.  You have disrupted the harmony of the flow of the Tao river.

Hope you enjoyed this rough modernization and my personal + wikipedia's notes, interpretation of Taoism.  To each their own, as in my eyes, many other Taoists, a few other organized religions, it is all one and to see it seperately is to remove yourself from it (to remove yourself from Him to some).

I will imagetize this in the morning, there will be improvements.

One of those funny things about feelings is that you can feel bad about them.  Why, you are human and it is human to feel things right?

Why should you feel bad about loving someone, it is not they who pretended to love you and then took it away.  They didn't tease you or hold out false promise.  You decided that you were going to love them unconditionally.  It was your choice.  You didn't demand or really think anything was GOING to come back, but hope is something to hold on for.  "Cliffhanger" might not be the best occupational choice here though.

It is also normal to hate this person at the same time as loving them.

Being hurt, disappointed, closed off.  Not everyone is capable of drawing out the multiple dimensions of the heart, but some are.  We love them so much we could hug their skin off, but hate them so much we want to punch them into next week.

All of these, all of those, emotions are normal so long as you are expressing what is in side of you and not just reacting to someone else's emotions.

If you express your emotions by reaction alone instead of feeling out what is inside of you and going on that journey of self discovery, finding your power creature, spider-monkey, and the girl that goes to the support group meetings too, having the best sex of your natural life, and getting to blow up the credit card franchise as your alter ego.

He tried to hold his back.  Fight Club was one of the few outlets for all that emotion, all of that competition, and all of that certainty.  One would win.

I will never feel bad for having loved.  I will never feel regret for closeness.  I want to one day share that with someone that is willing to share her's with me.

Could just be that my muscles are sore from lack of exercise or the same work-out for so long.

Either way, I've been up too long and deserve a good night's rest after a quite successful day today.

One nice thing I can say about living an empathy's life is that I've gotten to meet and entertain some very powerful personalities.  In this I've had the opportunity to gather life's goals from one experience at a time.  This collection is constant, I really don't ever stop, and like all good collections, I can't view all of it at once, but upon reflection I get new view points of the whole thing and how it all works.  Kind of like sitting outside yourself and looking in, seeing how the marble has been cut away or shaped with love or care or hate or lust.

Of these experiences, one has been quite a description that I have had the good chance of sharing with others as well.  Hopefully imparting the sheer wisdom, the cunning intelligence that is transferred upon illiciting a response, and the connections that get made in the the others mind.

The story of how two can exist in this world.

Granted some believe that there is a third in any relationship, God or god or the one, the source, the energy that we all are made up of is part of this relationship.  Lets take that ever so slightly for granted - especially if you believe we are merely reflections or hosts for that energy, then we are kind of like eyes looking at each other on the face of god.  The subject is beholding itself, we can forget about the third party for once, we are all one.

Now, in this idea of two that meet and want to spend the rest of their lives together, we have an idea of independence.  Who wants to become dependent?  Everyone and no-one.  It could be said that the everyone is because all like to be able to lean their head on someone else's shoulder at least once in their life, to say you don't means you either have too high of an ideal of yourself or you don't know how to accept help.  No-one really wants to accept help for their entire life though right?  They want to see the fruits of their achievements, they want to see the success of their efforts.  If you didn't then you must really not care for yourself or those you say you care about.  You wouldn't want to be the burden that they take on.

So herein lies the first part of this pleasant story about two trees growing in a forest.

The Oak tree and the Maple.  These trees might change after I talk to Dendrologist about the various features of said trees, but for now, Oak is strong and hard (male), the Maple... is a pretty name if you could imagine a tree-woman.

These two trees happen to grow from seeds that landed next to one another at the outside skits of a forest.  They have rooted themselves, quite unknowingly in the soil or the same system.  They have for lack of a better word, been fated together.  Some humans follow this same design, others say it is all chance, well, it was chance the seeds landed here, and here we are, they are growing.

As they grow, each tree notices that it must share the sunlight with the other.  Taking in too much sunlight means the other will wither and die for lack of energy, such would spoil the soil and honestly, leave the tree that's left, quite lonely.  If they share this light evenly, they will both reap the maximum benefit of its source.

Obviously they both must share the water, otherwise they will grow dry and die.  This isn't such a struggle above ground, but underground we see other things happen.  Root structures are like the branch structures funny enough and if you could flip most trees upside down, you would see the roots match the fullness of the branches, regardless of the tree (certainly an average here, but I've seen quite a few examples).  The roots must not choke the others roots.

What we see if how important space is around the continual growth that happens with any organism.  If you don't give the organism the proper space for it to grow, it will cause it to move to turmoil as it tries to make space for itself.

We have our two main sources for energy and the way for our pair to best use them.  The last yet, certainly not least, is the air that these trees take in.  This air is all around us, and it would be funny to think that one tree could use up too much of the other tree's oxygen or CO2, but let's think about when this source of life is instead a source of death.  These trees will have to weather a few storms in their lifetime of living and sharing themselves with each other.  If one is taking all of the storm, then it will surely snap or break or be blown over.  If one is hiding from the wind, then the other will get the malignant treatment and find it detrimental for certain.  It is important that both of these trees share the punishment, yet in their own way, help keep each other standing in the times of trouble.

Thus humans can be seen for the forest.

The lesson is surprisingly simple yet camouflaged in its difficulty.  To truly understand is the Tao accordingly what I know, this does mean, I am still learning how all of this applies.  The only way I know how to see it better is to one day at a time exercise the skill sets.  This one is like those relay races, you get better as your partners get better.  In that, we are fortunately trees that can choose where and what we live and grow next to.  We are lucky in this.

Lan Parties

Yeah these are cool, a bunch of nerd sitting around playing a game together.  Either you got your FPS crowd, or RTS peoples, and then you can even have console gamers, and many more.

I could almost care less about anything but FPSes.  Especially team based ones, they are the most fun for me, even if I am not exceedingly good at them, just moderate.

Here is a Lan Party I went to about 2 months ago, you could say in another two months (within that amount of time) I will have a Lan Party as well.

Kind of putting these up to make you guys think about what a Lan Party used to be and amp up for the one that will happen in the near future.

Whereas the thought of the action preseeds
the result is never quite the same
Mind walking without Gepeato's strings
can journey back from and to great things

Touch the thing you see and it will cease
to be the same for which you touched it
Praise away nay the play and instead
so much you love without loving the host

Love the actions and the existence
that the one generating such peace
can rain it to all subjects within her
gia.

- Jim McKibben

In the throws of passion, the element is the action.
Generating that element takes pairs
that want mutual existence,
not self serving vapid transparence.

She doesn't put out, he doesn't talk,
He doesn't put out, she doesn't talk,
Communication is key,
That is the philosophy.

Could one reach such an enlightened state,
that all there is pleasure to masturbate?

My world desires to seek,
fruits that are ripe and meek.
While spoken is the world of voice,
token advice actions speak twice.

Worlds view on men is only as powerful as ten,
ten is but one with a zero at the end.

The power of man is the culmination of his zen.

The zeal of woman is how she can bend that zen
Remove the zero at the end of ten
Make women and men out of his zen
To forces untold and for futures unfold
You know the pedia can only hold stedia
For power amplifies and shorts lead to lies.

Truth is the table that I wish to eat
Forefront foretold forenot the too bold
Fall on their face their own ass they trace
Seek not the self and try something else.

*now blogger has consumed th c.

any good game desires a good game player
king chess players finesse with knight like manner
rooms dominated by psycionistic pervasive pattern
snipe deriving beckoning denouncement of divine dividends
the player must also make patterns on the game
for otherwise fruitless is the one that doesn't reap
concentric coexistent cohesive make the pattern
one share the same separate we sustain
currently i have math to study and two customers to finish
and some time to put in at generic, too much time at east side
guitar lyric are cool even if on a ds though it does lack in metal
being mostly plastic i believe there should be a new plastic metal
and even plastic metal is pretty hard
the two acts prior had a power and metal

the electronic kids have a different way of hearing it but they are one and the same
in electronca generally (this changes when you got live pa - where) the artist has created
material with incredible rhythms and beat structure that is art to dance with
and in live pa you see smithing that is of incredible proportions, they
actually allow themselves to draw right on the dancer
its like nothing else in this world
well i could name one thing that might just top that
but you see that does make it bounce back
ocean of motion to proportion of extortion
threads weaving together new strings to be strung again
hopeless romantic i
mom that knows true guidance from a woman's point of view
father that knew circa 20s matting patterns
could have been good old boy i yet Jehovah's Witness was i
sight only sees half way, look again to see some mo
to have a seconds care for the existential moment isn't my mo
my forefathers sewed and reaped as will i

much love,
jonny5

Yeah, it happened on Saturday and I am just now putting something down about it.  Its been a busy week already and it shows no sign of slowing down.  Yet I did get to compete in a code competition and really not do as well as I would have liked at the C++/Java portion of the challenge, my team, "The Knights of the Loop Table" (if you know code that would be funny - loops are found in code) did knock one out.  It was a our first submission as well.  The other teams would try and try again to submit something and get it wrong or get points deducted for having a failed submission - ours worked the first time.  How do you make failing code?

Dunno, we should probably ask NASA about that.

Ohh... snap.

Still, I'm a bit heated that we only got one in and further that my skills with C++ were not enough to finish one of the programming projects that I started on (oh and we got there a bit late too).

Why is everything in the long run?  Who wants a long run?  Either means you gotta lot of clothes to clean or you had better have a lot of condoms... either sounds like a ... well the second would be more fun.

In the long run, I got hired to continue development on a real program.  That is pretty cool and it seems like I might be making about 10 to 20 hours a week on it depending on how much time I spend or how much work we can generate for ourselves.  We might even try to put the "Knights of the Loop Table" in the code somewhere so that we get to go down in infamy for something not all that bad.

Now that it is 3:30 am and I am really not at all tired (went to bed at about 6 pm or so yesterday and slept all night... yes it was amazing) I think I am going to finish that Math homework that has been drivin me nuts.

Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… the pounding anthem plays. "Where was I going…" ah yes, I was heading to (class, my bike, a friend's house, to get my mail, to the club, or a place to eat). As this anthem goes, I know that it is time for me to move my feet, to head in the direction of the place in front of me. Sometimes, however, I lose my place on the page and have to re-focus to see and remember exactly where I was going. The drum beat sets the rhythm and in percussion I moved in the direction that I state. This level of attention to movement might seem a bit out of place for some, yet for me it is quite the norm. If I have something to distract myself with, then it doesn't seem to consume my attention quite as much, this action of walking and moving to my next place where I get to do more things that occupy my attention (play if you will, most things that occupy my attention at some level become a game to me, otherwise, they are boring). Beat, beat, beat, I hear another beat moving next to me. The first time this happened for me is probably before I can remember, I do not know for sure, the first time I had the chance and experience to feel out what I have taught the various pieces of me before moving them together was a vacation not too long ago, I flew a long distance and stayed in a couple homes. One of the homes I could feel the people of the house around me, I could hear their beats. Something like a heartbeat, more like a symphony of pounding melody. Not to lesson by describing this to ears that may not have a reference to recreate the action in their own thoughts, I could describe what happened as a symphony of the bodies that night. Now it seems that I can shift this beat as my own walking rhythm when I am moving and usually know the place of my foot before it falls. This beat of others is becoming something I can grasp as well. To say this is interesting and something outside of what many would even believe or want to grasp is to say too little. It cannot be imagined. It can only be proven to one's self. It can only be the Tao. It can only be action through in-action and the association of others that have strong ears or minds or whatever allows access to the strings that connect all of us. When you notice a specific vibration in the works, you notice a flower blooming, is what it could be described as. You can give this flower the source or pure light that is enerizagation. The flower can bloom stronger if it is capable of receiving the light that is being shown. If you can imagine or are even familiar with such a concept you can almost see in your mind's eye the bloom and the circular flow that is spinning in many directions yet all throughout is organized and continues to pour in on itself.
Not only is this symphony something beautiful but just like the orchestra that you sit and enjoy for moments of time. This choasymphony of brilliant sound can be breathtaking and might be something that you want to step away from for a minute sometimes even longer periods of time. Many people I think have walls or filters up that allow them to not even have to take breaks from the music. Either they never hear it or they only hear a few instruments or specific notes from those instruments at a time. Once I tune into it and it seems that I am almost constantly wired to hear it, I must take breaks every now and then again. It is truly inundating. It seems, and this next part has yet to be proved, but I deliver the message from one flower to the next, and it appears without trying to.
Thank you for taking the time to read this story about the life of a man. Hope you enjoyed the perspective. Soon there will be a Part II to this story.

For some time now I've been concerned, nah, that is such a weak word, terrified, about our government, our economy, and our ability to seek happiness (you do know that this is one of our liberties as a citizen of the US, right?). We see over and over the government thinks that if they aren't removing a right or creating control where it wasn't before, they are wasting their time in office (could they be doing more besides just being a politician... didn't Representatives and Senators back in the day also Farm, or Teach or some other job that actually made their real money?).

In this interesting time we also see people sitting back into the lifestyle of the content... yet they aren't reaching for happiness and instead are making sure that they are just better than the next... not really looking inside anymore (would they run in fear for how empty the space is?). I guess that since I am alive and no one is taking my home I should consider myself happy or lucky.

When someone responds to you, don't you expect some form of certainty in their reply? To me, if they are debating or selling themselves to me, I like to see a full spec sheet. What is important... none of the fluff.

All that being said - this article by The Rolling Stone was quite interesting about Palin and I will quote my favorite section as it is right now.

here is a linky: http://www.rollingstone.com/poalitics/story/23318320/mad_dog_palin/

"The great insight of the Palin VP choice is that huge chunks of American voters no longer even demand that their candidates actually have policy positions; they simply consume them as media entertainment, rooting for or against them according to the reflexive prejudices of their demographic, as they would for reality-show contestants or sitcom characters. Hicks root for hicks, moms for moms, born-agains for born-agains. Sure, there was politics in the Palin speech, but it was all either silly lies or merely incidental fluffery buttressing the theatrical performance. A classic example of what was at work here came when Palin proudly introduced her Down-syndrome baby, Trig, then stared into the camera and somberly promised parents of special-needs kids that they would "have a friend and advocate in the White House." This was about a half-hour before she raised her hands in triumph with McCain, a man who voted against increasing funding for special-needs education.

Palin's charge that "government is too big" and that Obama "wants to grow it" was similarly preposterous. Not only did her party just preside over the largest government expansion since LBJ, but Palin herself has been a typical Bush-era Republican, borrowing and spending beyond her means. Her great legacy as mayor of Wasilla was the construction of a $15 million hockey arena in a city with an annual budget of $20 million; Palin OK'd a bond issue for the project before the land had been secured, leading to a protracted legal mess that ultimately forced taxpayers to pay more than six times the original market price for property the city ended up having to seize from a private citizen using eminent domain. Better yet, Palin ended up paying for the fucking thing with a 25 percent increase in the city sales tax. But in her speech, of course, Palin presented herself as the enemy of tax increases, righteously bemoaning that "taxes are too high" and Obama "wants to raise them."

Yeah this part is awesome as well:

"Then there are the salacious tales of Palin's swinging-meat-cleaver management style, many of which seem to have a common thread: In addition to being ensconced in a messy ethics investigation over her firing of the chief of the Alaska state troopers (dismissed after refusing to sack her sister's ex-husband), Palin also fired a key campaign aide who had an affair with a friend's wife. More ominously, as mayor of Wasilla, Palin tried to fire the town librarian, Mary Ellen Emmons, who had resisted pressure to censor books Palin found objectionable.

Then there's the God stuff: Palin belongs to a church whose pastor, Ed Kalnins, believes that all criticisms of George Bush "come from hell," and wondered aloud if people who voted for John Kerry could be saved. Kalnins, looming as the answer to Obama's Jeremiah Wright, claims that Alaska is going to be a "refuge state" for Christians in the last days, last days which he sometimes speaks of in the present tense. Palin herself has been captured on video mouthing the inevitable born-again idiocies, such as the idea that a recent oil-pipeline deal was "God's will." She also described the Iraq War as a "task that is from God" and part of a heavenly "plan." She supports teaching creationism and "abstinence only" in public schools, opposes abortion even for victims of rape, has denied the science behind global warming and attends a church that seeks to convert Jews and cure homosexuals."

Palin hasn't been too worried about federal taxes as governor of a state that ranks number one in the nation in federal spending per resident ($13,950), even as it sits just 18th in federal taxes paid per resident ($5,434). That means all us taxpaying non-Alaskans spend $8,500 a year on each and every resident of Palin's paradise of rugged self-sufficiency. Not that this sworn enemy of taxes doesn't collect from her own: Alaska currently collects the most taxes per resident of any state in the nation."

Does that seem a little two faced or maybe just someone that doesn't pay attention to the facts? Is either better?

Make sure you talk about facts with friends... not the color of tie or the designer of the dress of the candidates. What they wear or even what they say means shit - it is their actions that dictate the response we can expect from them.

Oh and life is doing okay / better for me, it looks like we (The Lan Party) are going to have one of our clients re-sign a contract labor form with us, another client just put a down payment on a website we are building, my brother is making good progress to settling himself back in Columbia, MO, and I am still enrolled in classes (and passing most if not all of them).

Much love to all my friends,

Jim

Just putting that out there.  I might try to reason and post a bunch of thoughts about how Palin isn't all she is cracked up to be and that McCain does NOT deserve the office but might be an excellent war general or something along those lines.  If anything the President of the US should try to talk our lead generals out of war at all costs instead of thinking that we must use it as an alternative to peace.

I've included a link to a site that I think is a great resource for the more liberal minded individual and anyone that wants to get into contact with the political powers that be in our great nation.  I love the USA and I would really love to see it move in directions that helped the populous instead of hinder it.

Some time ago I read a writing that was about how a girl had someone that she cared about take their life. It was a most humbling read because it was rather simple and happy yet, back in the underwritings you saw how much was outside of her control. This moved me and I felt a certain desire to reach out and connect with her.

Pepsi (name changed for anonymity),

Who decides how we get to influence those around us? This question defines the helplessness that one can feel when they meet a wall and want to assist someone but find their energies funnel into a void. The void is an object that has no immediate affect on the person that has it, but it works like a black hole for all of the light that circles around the one needing it. It would seem that the moth in this case, draws the light to it instead of seeking out the candle or the light, the candle throws its light towards our friend the moth. The luminescence of the room even convenes and collects, correcting the actions and methods of the moth.

Many are the candles for each moth, for even if the moth thinks there is no one seeing it because it can't see itself or whatever other blinder our friend the moth has fuzzed over to be more happy with it's environment there are many that continually throw their radiance towards the moth. Generally a moth or any other moving object can really only be controlled by one main force at a time. A planet is generally controlled by one major sun that it orbits around... it would be a rather un-natural orbit if say there were two suns that a planet were to circle around.

In this, the moth has to want to take in the light's energy. If for some reason they are looking elsewhere or aren't absorbing what is shinning all around them, then who made it so they weren't observing? This would be the moth's responsibility. If the moth can't desire help, it the moth further, thinks there is nothing wrong with its current course, then you will see it continually vier off course. The course that is being vier off would be the one that could be most beneficial to the helpless. No one is truly helpless there are just different levels of correct power that an individual will posses. They share this light, this energy with those around them and it important that they do not burn themselves out by shining it as well as that they don't burn so bright, they are not able to see other lights around them.

I knew a moth that was a rare find. She had all of the decorations of the loving respectful princess. She spread her wings to those around her and encouraged people to fly on the currents that she found. She was good at finding them too. Constantly with the helpful mind, yet not too strong that she couldn't be helped. This was how it was when I first saw this beauty.

As we flew on together, wings flapping and fluttering in love and happiness we both ran into our own walls, our own lessons to grow from. The greatest thing about this process is that we encouraged each other to continue afterwards. We recommended a course to assist with the future development, we desired to see the other move in ways that assisted themselves. This is what makes the snuffing out of this one so hard to believe and even harder to understand. There was no way that I couldn't believe it happened. At the funeral with all of our friends, family members crying and holding each other with caring sobbing arms you knew this wasn't something you could ignore, you couldn't convince yourself that this hadn't happen. It would be nice if you could imagine it, it would be heaven if you could actually say with certainty that the horrid news that you had been informed of, was not true. Friends that just barely knew and others that knew very well the intimacy that we experienced with each other were there to give their support. Still I wished that I would have never gotten that call at 3 am in April. Wishing won't change what has transpired... that I've learned. Also in the very important lessons of life, I've come to know that you can't help those that don't accept the help. Each must help themselves before they can help someone else. If you don't have the power to change yourself, then you don't have the power to affect someone else in a way other than how they will learn from you.

One of the most painful things about this is that it was a few months before this moth was snuffed out, she fluttered down to Columbia and got me a card, got me flowers and thanked me for a simple little computer thing I had helped out with. When I think about how she had reached out to me after I had closed a rather hard door on her I hate myself for my actions. It started a long time ago. Running down the street, my parents had gotten divorced some three or four years ago. I am only in high school and know a couple of the girls down the street and they were playing some basketball. There is another girl with them this time, a rather cute girl with aqua, blue, eye liner. Add in the blond hair, cute expressions, and introverted/extroverted persona and you have quite a sweet moth / flame that I wanted to fly towards at great speeds. All the same, I had only hung out with her, Amanda, for a short time and it wasn't until I was back from going to Kansas City, living in the rave dance culture, experiencing mind blowing journeys through subconscious through and life, and learning a few things about taking care of yourself and others that I meet her again in downtown Columbia. What was interesting is that I barely knew it was her, and she recognized me and asked if I was Jim, the guy that lived up the street from Kim and Amy. Yes I answer as I finally realize where I know this beautiful face from. We exchanged numbers right then and there and started chatting on aim that night.

Ah, America Online never knew they were the ability for two lovers to meet like that, but the interwebs were only too happy to allow our mutual interest to blossom. It was only a few nights later that we hung out together, watch Hackers if I remember right and then a couple nights after that I took her and Kim (different Kim from before... this one is for better or worse definitions, her sister, and a great one at that) out to Applebee's for dinner. I had picked out this great new Kenneth Cole sweater which I wore and still save for only some of the best occasions to wear out. Soon our romance was in full swing and we were experiencing the pleasures and bumps from any new relationship. All the same, we were smitten with ourselves. She helped me learn a thing or two about keeping work at work and home at home. Bringing home the days frustrations to the one that you want to harmonize in joy with tends to break down the happiness that could otherwise be felt. Such a simple thing would be no big deal otherwise, but for me, this was something that I hadn't learned yet and thankfully she was there and willing to teach me instead of throwing me out of her heart. This woman in a young woman's figure, to be honest she was about 18 when we started dating, yet she had the mentality of someone that was 23 at times. All the same, she had the youthful zeal that someone that won't fully grow up keeps at their side. This childlike energy is a beautiful thing for it allows many to overcome huge obstacles because the adult view only sees what it knows, the child is ready to discern that which it doesn't know and enjoy that which it does.

We almost won the costume contest at the Booty Halloween party in STL. We were second place with the guy from Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas winning – he had the part down to a science... completely acting the part. We both helped a number of friends through their own troubles and tried to help a few friends that didn't want it and as it might've turned out today, didn't need it. Since I was quite adept at the computer stuffs, Mandie picked up on what I knew and grew with it. She turned into quite the gamer and from what I know, was a fearsome opponent in Halo, WoW, and Quake (she could give me a run and thats saying something). We survived each of us slipping up on our monogamy and stayed together.

We actually broke up twice, and then got engaged. Why did I ever let her go? If you release the bird and it flies back, is it not a better bird? The engagement lasted for quite a few months and she got herself a nice job in the mall at a store that really fit her style very well and I continued to work at Socket Internet and continued to live with my Dad. Mandie lived with her Mom and we were both rather happy about the whole thing. Eventually though, I noticed a slight change in her responsiveness to me. How much she reached out to me. Unfortunately I knew what this would mean and that I should let her pursue herself as that is where her mind is. If I were to hold her in and keep her where she was, it would just get stagnant and she would want to later break free. It is not loving to hold someone back unless they are going to hurt themselves. That statement might have more truth than even I know, but as I also know, the past is something that has happened, I can't go back and change it.

For lessons to be learned from any experience is to achieve a consciousness that many don't comprehend. It is vital that anyone attempt to take something away from the experience other than remorse and regret. Those feelings do not allow forward movement. Those emotions bottle up and destroy the host. For me to take something away, I suppose I should simply be calling and communicating with my friends more. Stay in touch, more. I do this already but as it happens, I don't really run after my friends to stay in contact with them as they tend to orbit around me to a degree. I might have to change my orbit a bit to realign with any of them, but it is a pretty easy thing really. Especially since none of the orbits are a bond-relationship orbit. Brothers and sisters I have now, not a mate. While I am on the discovery path to find my female counterpart, I will let that one be drawn to me like the moth to the flame. If it is meant to be, then I will be to her like a moth flying to her flame.

Yeah, I haven't posted cool stuff in a while... but I haven't been reading much news and I don't mean to sound like a downer here... but it's not the best news recently right?  Please don't hate, appreciate.  Well, here is some cool news... that either we should've already known or should've happened years ago.  Shoulda-woulda-coulda.  It's a collection of directions I see happening that actually could help us save lives, save our environment, or get to more worlds than just this planet (if we don't start working and continuing to work at it, it won't happen, there is progress to be made).

Ok let me get this right.  Stuff that works on a genetic modification level and makes more of itself is NOT alive?  How does that make sense, you see, it doesn't.  The teachers, scientists didn't want to be scared of something they didn't understand and labeled it is not alive, because, how could it be... it's too small.  I think we used to say that about water when we looked at it and now we know about amoebas and stuff, golly that changed a lot.  Same reason why there's nothing out in space.

Back to the "fact" that Star Trek could never happen (don't say never kids, you could go blind).  We get UFO sightings all the time, try reading www.drudgereport.com - quite a lot of news that they didn't want to get reported showing up on there.  There is almost a 100% chance that another race won't even touch us with someraceelse's reproductive organ until they see us with at least marginally equal to better equipment in which case they had better try to learn what we know and forge some form of alliance or they could get whipped out.  It is the same thing the US and other 1st world countries do for some of the Pygmies and other indigenous tribes around the globe... you leave them alone to learn and progress until there is a REASON why you should pull their head out of their ass.  Man I am feeling my oats tonight....  instead of just trying to build a nuclear bomb.... why don't we just build a nano-black bomb.  Hell, we could build a macro-black bomb and threaten the whole solar system and see if another interstellar race is smart enough to pick up its energy signature (we use those to tell what kind of star is out there) and stop us.  Or we could try traveling on the most advanced engines we can find (wait... that's Star Trek again... DANG!) and propagate the universe with our offspring!

This one is too easy.  Has male ego written all over it, not that I have a problem with a healthy male ego.  When people stop caring about the result that get attributed or branch over and down to our fellows, they have looked in the mirror too long.  They are following their ideal blindly and not noticing possibilities they are snuffing out, destroying futures.  Isn't being human part of creating those possibilities?  Oh, but only the females must keep it alive, we just bring home the money.  This is not a bright future.  It is a sad bit of mental disposition that many are in.

Thanks for reading some important pieces of recent news.  Please bring these topics up in conversation with the person, Joe, Jane, Bob, or Betty that you end up standing next to.  See what they think, it could be different from you, but it could be interesting too.  Its about our life and our future and its looking brighter and brighter, I just might need shades.